(this is one of the few comic relief scenes in the film.
the setup is that it is morning and Oliver had just
entered a diner to meet with a man to do him a favor
in order to pay a debt for someone he wants to do a favor for him…
clear as mud?)
Oliver slides in to the seat across from Dan. A young WAITRESS approaches the booth, looking over the two men. She pulls out a pad of paper to take Oliver’s order.
WAITRESS: What’ll it be?
OLIVER: (grabbing a menu) What’s good at “Quittin’ Time”?
W: Dinner.
Oliver sets down the menu and gives a halfhearted smile to the young lady.
W: Would you like some coffee?
O: Not a coffee drinker, thanks.
W: How ’bout pie?
O: For breakfast?
She looks around, checking for any other customers that might need attention that could give her excuse to leave.
Oliver looks over to Dan, realizing they need some privacy.
O: Pie’s fine.
W: What kind –
O: (getting impatient) — Whatever you got.
Hello everyone from the great state of Pennsylvania! I am currently up here on business to get some footage for my company to basically mirror a video I made for the Tulsa office. Got stuck in Atlanta after missing 5 chances of getting to Harrisburg on Tuesday, but all was not lost as I was able to spend an evening with 4 of my best friends who I rarely get to see anymore (you know who you are).
With all this travel, I haven’t had much chance to do any work on Draft 5. Instead, I thought I would try to work on something else…
.:Draft SIX
So, you might be saying to yourself, “Self, I told him that I wanted to read Draft 5 when he finished it, and now he’s gone on to Draft 6 already!?” Basically, I got to page 87, and realized that something just wasn’t working for me. Something big wasn’t working for me. But, thankfully, it was easily fixable, and now I am well on my way through Draft Six. How far? Well, technically I finished it last night in my hotel room (did I mention I spent all day in an airport with nothing but my laptop and my iPod?).
Yes, Draft 6.01 is finished. I plan to read it through, look for any plot holes or other things that need fixing before I release it to the readers to be ripped to shreds (which, I hope it is, as long as there is reason and it is done with tact, because I want this to be the best story it can be).
.:MacGuffin
This draft is more “MacGuffin” based. Which basically means there is an object that is pushing the story forward as multiple characters try to acquire this object. It is the backdrop and I feel makes the story more compelling since the direction of the story won’t feel as forced when it comes to character actions.
Other than writing Draft 6, I don’t have much else to report on. Soon I will start making character profiles for you to see that I will release a week at a time. Thank you again for your time, interest, and support, and hopefully I will have something of worth to show you when it comes time for me to release Draft 6.
GABE: Kinda figured you were colorblind.
OLIVER: What?
G: Well, I figured artists were more color coordinated … Pink shirt with brown pants?
O: I don’t own a pink shirt.
G: Julia used to do your laundry?
Oliver purses his lips.
G: That explains that.
(While the screenplay is by no means finished,
I figured I would include snippets of dialog
from the current draft for your enjoyment)
So, this isn’t truly a “Week 2″ e-mail since last week was spent at the beautiful DisneyWorld in Orlando, where my wife and I joined a couple college friends for a fun week of long drives, fun rides, and having her iPhone stolen at the ‘happiest place on earth.’ But that’s another story.
After a hiatus of writing, I’m back at grindstone, currently reworking the dialog on the 78 complete pages of the fifth draft. I’m interspacing this with reading a new book or two on filmmaking every week or so (most recently Crafty Screenwriting). Some are helpful, some aren’t, but I can’t know until I read them…
.:Soundtrack
Some exciting news is that the talented Carol Underwood has signed on to score the film this summer during her grad-school summer break from pursuing her music degree. I look forward to seeing what she comes up with and collaborating with her. In my opinion, the soundtrack is one of the most important parts of a film, and I’m excited to delve into that creative process with her.
.:Financing
Well, prayers are being answered and doors are opening as the budget is inflating a bit due to the desire to make Greyscale as technically proficient as we can possibly make it. There have been a couple people interested in investing in Daros Films (which should be becoming an LLC in the next few upcoming weeks). And honestly, I couldn’t be happier with the prospect.
.:Back to Writing
I’d like to thank everyone who said they were interested in reading the next draft. As soon as it is done, I’ll be sending it your way.
P.S. Since there was no snippet of dialog for Week 1, here’s an extra bit: (note: O.S. means Off Screen)
RACHEL (O.S.): Going somewhere?
Oliver turns to see Rachel, holding a pistol level at Oliver. The copies drop to the floor, revealing his pistol.
OLIVER: This is cute.
R: You don’t trust me?
O: Thought we established that.
Rachel puts her pistol away slowly.
R: I wouldn’t shoot you.
O: No?
R: I have a vested interest in your survival.
O: Maybe you should tell your gun.
The project is currently in the writing and pre-production stages. I am a little over halfway through with my 4th full rewrite of the screenplay (began writing the first draft in mid-February), and hope to have it finished and ready for review sometime this weekend. If any of you would be interested in reading that for constructive criticism purposes, please let me know. I’ve already had a faithful few who have been reading every draft, and I consider them one of the best parts of the process so far.
.:The story
A failing artist loses his wife and his ability to see color in an explosion that also kills a crime boss. After being moved by witness protection, he finds that moving once is not enough, and that the syndicate is on his tail and is blaming him for their leader’s death. Meanwhile, he discovers that his wife is actually alive, but hasn’t made contact in the three months since the blast. With plenty of interesting characters (some trying to help, some trying to kill, but few showing their true colors) along the way, the man once again picks up the threads of a past he tried to put behind him to find both his wife and the part of him that was lost long ago.
Obviously it’s a bit more complex than that, but condensing a story is an art form that I’m still working on. The story seems to change significantly with each draft (for the better, I’m told), so I’m excited to see where this draft finishes up, and if I’m going to need another.
.:Scope
This is a very, very scope-conscious movie. The majority of locations were already places I knew I could easily get access to, and there are only 1-2 characters in the current draft of the screenplay that I don’t know of anyone who could fill the roles. I think a lot of smaller productions get grandiose ideas and then don’t fully pull them off, and the result is what looks to be poor production values. While the synopsis may seem fairly large in scope, the story is really a more personal story about a man who is living with the demons of his past and the complexities of living without forgiveness for hurting those closest to him without them knowing it.
.:Equipment
I have been reading many, many books (and many thanks to Brian Shoop of Treasure Blind for loaning me some great ones) and have realized that in order to make the best product I can, that shortcuts can’t be taken when it comes to the equipment. I am not done procuring everything I need, but here’s a list of the haves and have-nots thus far:
Haves:
Camera: Panasonic HVX-200 (very nice HD camera that was also used for Treasure Blind and for parts of Cloverfield, and plenty of other independent ventures)
Microphone: Sennheiser MKH-416 shotgun mic (industry standard shotgun mic that is excellent for outside shots) with collapsible boom pole
Support: Sachtler DV 6 SB Fluid Tripod head with Miller SOLO DV legs (a very solid combo that will last for a very long time and provide very smooth camera movement)
Editing: Adobe Creative Suite CS3 (Premiere, AfterEffects, Photoshop, Illustrator, SoundBooth)
Gmail – Compose Mail – renough@gmail.com
Have Nots:
Microphone: Sennheiser MKH-50 ($1400)
Mixer: Sound Devices 302 ($1200)
Lighting Kit ($Varies greatly)
Almost $10.5k has been put into this project directly or indirectly so far, and the budget is starting to wear thin, so it will be a stretch to fill out the “Have Nots,” but too many ‘coincidental things’ have happened for me to believe that coincidental things have gotten me this far along the road to making this film for me to be nervous.
.:Next Steps
-First off, Daros Films needs to become incorporated, which will require about $300-500 as best I can tell, and I will probably be needing some legal guidance on this process.
-Secondly, fund raising for the remaining equipment needs to happen somehow. Be it selling things, asking for donations, getting a loan, finding investors, or having another (yes, another) miracle check drop out from nowhere, a little more money is needed, and any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
-Lastly, any prayers and support will be much appreciated throughout the process. But right now please spread the word about the film and have people email me at DarosFilms@gmail.com to be added to this list so we can get this thing off the ground!
.:The End
I don’t want to make this too long, so I’ll cut it off now. Once again, thank you all for showing interest, and as we get closer to actual shooting, there will be far more details to come… just need to get this 5th draft finished first…